The Wall of Worms

Today, while cycling through the city along river valley paths and the like, Greg and I got caught in a horrifying wall of worms. Literally dozens of little wormy-looking caterpillar-like creatures were dangling by their own silvery threads from tree branches. Some seemed to be roping off with neckbreaking speed, and it only took them a second or two from the tree branch to the ground. Others were just dangling merrily in the wind (had they run out of thread? What's a worm to do in such a situation?). And it wasn't just one wall- we were soon to learn that there is a whole area on the downtown side of the river that is literally covered in worms these days. You can't even imagine the horror of cycling very, very carefully only to suddenly notice that there is a wall of worms ahead and you don't have enough time to stop!

Don't get me wrong, I like caterpillars. They're kind of cute. At least the thick, large, furry kind that move slowly. But these ones were about as thick as knitting yarn and amazingly agile. We had to pick them off one another, and even 20 minutes later when I took off my jacket one of them fell out.

God, was I grossed out. And I'm not ashamed of my screams. But man, if I were a Klingon...

So, does anyone know what the heck is going on with these creatures, and what they are? Neither Greg nor I had ever seen anything like this before. Are they an infestation? I really want them to be. It took me long enough to accept that spiders are a good thing.

I'm lying here, as good as naked, and someone gets paid to pull on my earlobes.

As you might have guessed(or not- in fact, it's funnier that way), I just got the first massage of my life. It was an hour-long full body massage. It felt good, and it hurt, and now, afterward, I feel like nothing in the world could ever go wrong again. In fact, I think I'm a little bit high.

Nobel Prize 2016

I just realized that I myself am nothing short of a genius. A bit taken aback by the success of Jake, Steve and Dan with their novel-writing endeavours, I reminded myself that I wrote a one-act play last year, and reread it.

Why, it's ingenious! It's funny, and it's sexy, and it's smart. And those aren't even my own words- those are the words of Governor-General Award winning playwright Vern Thiessen, under whose watch I wrote this play. In one of our one-on-one sessions, the following conversation ensued:

Vern(in disbelief): "You know, you really have a great sense of humour hidden under your....(searching for words)
Me: "...teutonic exterior?"
Vern: "Yes, that's it."
Me: "I get that a lot."

My play, in case you were wondering, is about the passage of a controversial bill in city council, and the mayhem that ensues as a result of it. There's sex, there's violence, and there are references to parliamentary procedure- I mean, what else do you want, really?

If this play doesn't get produced, the world is a worse place for it.