The Armoury

The Armoury is a terrible dance club, with really bad music, and very boring people.

I absolutely love going there. About twice a year.

Here are some of my reasons:

-Vodka Cranberries are only $3. What an ingenious two-in-one drink! ("Get smashed while you take care of your urinary tract!")

-The girls dancing on the box are dressed like sluts and dance like total prudes. Why don't you try the other way around? If you're not having fun up there, and if you don't plan to look any different from the mass of drunk high shool graduates rocking back and forth on the dance floor, just don't get on the speaker for heaven's sake. The speaker is for true exhibitionists like my roommate and me. I'm not saying we are great dancers, but no matter what we do, we sure as heck are entertaining one way or the other. Which leads to any girl who is willing to actually enjoy herself up there having an audience with even occasional applause. And the best thing is, you'll never see these people again.

-The guys are so smashed they'll be brutally honest("You are an amazing dancer. It is so much fun to watch you. Could I slap your ass?"-"No. But you can shake my hand.").

-somebody like the owner's son(I don't know that for sure, but in my experience, if there's an obnoxious guy around who everybody hates but still everybody listens to, it usually has to do with nepotism)usually hits on you over the microphone. Tonight, while I was dancing on the speaker, the witty challenge was this: "The first nipple I see on the speaker gets free drinks." This led my roommate to jump off the speaker horrifiedly, while I pointed both of my arms towards the idiot with my middle fingers extended upwards. That got me a mild laugh. Then I pulled the next available guy up on the speaker and said, "He said nipple. You have one. Take off your shirt." Which he did. Unfortunately, the obnoxious guy wouldn't give the free drinks to the poor now-topless guy, and even ordered him off the speaker.

-the Armoury also gives me the opportunity to be really mean to a bunch of assholes. I'm not mean to everybody, and it totally depends how a guy approaches me- I won't usually say no to an initiated conversation, and almost never to a drink. But some guys are just sexual predators. Like the guy who was approaching me from the front and before saying a single word put both arms on my shoulders. That warrants a frown and a sharp "Excuse me? Why on *earth* do you think you can *touch* me?". I always feel very feminist after something like that(They usually answer with "Whoa, whoa, whoa..." and walk away, but sometimes they just stay silent with a really confused look on their faces).

Anyways, it's late, my feet hurt, my thighs hurt, and I'm tired, but man, did I have a good time tonight.

Tomorrow: More good times.